


Kill Myself

by SailorLestrade



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Death, M/M, depressed, sad mycroft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2014-01-29
Packaged: 2018-01-10 12:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorLestrade/pseuds/SailorLestrade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lestrade is depressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kill Myself

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics are "Kill Myself" by Tim McGraw. I own nothing.

Kill Myself

Summary: Mycroft’s been away for months and he hasn’t seen the depression Lestrade has sunk into. Lyrics are by Tim McGraw

****

I'm gonna clean the house  
I'm gonna fix the fence  
In my final hours  
I'm gonna tie up these loose ends

Lestrade wasn’t one for cleaning. Mycroft loved a clean house and Lestrade, not so much. But today, he felt that he should leave the place spotless for Mycroft. He thought it’d make it easier for him in the long run. A clean living room, an immaculate kitchen, a spotless bedroom. He hummed as he swept the floors and washed the dishes and fixed the loose floorboard that annoyed Mycroft but they had never bothered to get fixed.

He just wanted it to be easier.

I wont leave a note  
For anyone to find  
Tomorrow they'll know  
What I've done here tonight

John knew that Lestrade had been upset. Sherlock knew, but he just didn’t say anything. Everyone could tell except for Mycroft. But none of them knew of his plans. No one knew just how sad he was, so no one knew to look for the signs. No one thought of calling or texting his partner to tell him to call Lestrade.

But they would know soon...

The drastic steps I'm takin'  
Are just an act of desperation  
I knew no one would miss me  
So what the hell

Greg walked outside and went to his car. His gun was laying on the front seat by his badge. They both used to be shiny, but now he just saw them as tarnished. He saw them as part of the flaws that made him up and it made him sick. But he picked up his gun and looked at it.

I fought and lied I drank too much  
Hurt every one I ever touched  
Just how much I hurt you is hard to tell

He remembered his past. The biggest flaw of all. His drinking problem had come back in the months that Mycroft had been gone and he just couldn’t save himself. He felt that he was drawing in a pint of beer and he just didn’t know what to do anymore. And that alcohol had led to him getting into fights with his ex-wife’s boyfriends and punches being thrown. He felt that he was a mess and there was only one way to fix it before Mycroft came home and saw it.

Before he left him...

This is not some kind of cry for help  
Just good bye I wish you well  
Because I love you 

Lestrade set on the hood of his car and looked at his gun. His arm felt so weak under the weight of the gun but he still picked it up and slowly moved it.

I'm gonna kill myself

And placed it against his head.

Now who is that  
In my easy chair  
Now wait a minute  
That's the old me sittin' there

Lestrade smiled as he set in Mycroft’s lap and kissed him, their arms wrapped around each other. He kept smiling as Mycroft’s hands roamed over his skinny body and made his skin erupt in a bad case of goosebumps. He was putty in his lover’s hand and he absolutely loved it.

It was Heavenly...

And I thank God  
The devil in me died  
I stand before you now  
A man changed and alive

Mycroft rushed home when he heard the news. He sobbed all the way to the hospital. He screamed when Molly showed him her new patient. He ignored John when he tried to talk to him and he nearly punched his brother in the face. He just had one question that kept playing over and over again.

Why?

The drastic steps I'm takin'  
Are just an act of desperation  
I knew no one would miss me  
So what the hell  
I fought and lied I drank too much  
Hurt every one I ever touched  
Just how much I hurt you is hard to tell  
This is not some kind of cry for help  
Just good bye I wish you well  
Because I love you 

Mycroft went home and saw how clean the place was. There were still lines in the carpet from where Lestrade had used the sweeper. It smelled clean, because he had sprayed Freebreeze to mask the smell that he had been smoking and that he had spilt alcohol on the carpet. But it was those little imperfections that made Mycroft love him.

And made Lestrade hate himself.

I have to kill myself

Everyday for the next fifteen years, Mycroft would go see Greg and leave a rose for him, until finally the pain got too much and he just had to see him again. He knew it was cowardly, but he didn’t care. He had to see him again.

Gonna clean the house  
Gonna fix that fence  
In my final hours I'm gonna tie up these loose ends

And soon, they were together again.

End


End file.
